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Your On-Line Links to Enlightenment!
 

When people are laughing,
they’re generally not killing each other.

A Chinese proverb

 

 

Humour WWW-Links

 

  • Mind State Changing & Health 

    Did you know - Laughter is actually one of the best forms of stress management there is. 

    Even just smiling is  good,  particularly where anxiety is concerned.

    Smiling increases the facial blood flow which in turn warms the brain and starts to stimulate the endorphin process. Laughter not only helps release areas of stored tension in the body, but actively massages the internal organs. It also exercises the stomach and diaphragm thus affecting the respiratory system which is closely connected with the anxiety process.

    There is a man in the USA who has written a whole book about his experiences in this respect. He was diagnosed terminally ill with cancer, but laughed himself back to health because he refused to spend what he thought was his remaining time being miserable!


    He achieved complete remission.

    But don't Believe me! - try it out for yourself, read on....

     

     

     

    The Martial Artist and the Sprinter

     

    A man (a high ranking martial artist) receives a birthday present one year. He is a keen fisherman so his family bought him a very expensive carbon-fibre rod and other equipment.

    He a decides to go fishing down at the river by the local pub.

    He sets his equipment up and settles down for a good days fishing.

    Whilst there he also meets up with an acquaintance, and by lunchtime they were feeling a little thirsty and decided to have a pint and some pub-grub.

    But what to do with all his new fishing tackle, he could not just leave it there it was bound to get stolen.

    "I know" he thought, I'll leave it high up in the tree where it is difficult to reach. At least that will keep any of those pesky local kids getting at it so easily. 

    He also wrote a note for any one who might feel tempted and attached it clearly on the equipment where anyone could read it -

    'I'm a black belt in karate, kung fu, aikido and judo
    and I'll be back in five minutes. Don't touch or else!'

    He went off to the pub feeling quite sure of himself and confident that his equipment would be safe now, no one would dare!

    When he came back, to his dismay his equipment had disappeared and another note was attached to where it had been.


    'Well I'm an Olympic runner, but I won't be back at all!'

     


    State Changing & Communication Skills


    Did you know - Most jokes actually depend on a mind skill and communication technique called 'Reframing' to effect their punch line.


    When dealing with graphics they often call it a 'Paradigm Shift', a big buzz word in business and communication skill circles these days.


    Yet all it really means is to look at something from a different side of the coin or in a different light. Failure to do this probably results in more personal conflicts and confrontations than anything else.


    Funny how we so often find it so difficult to do!

     


     

     

    Psychotic-alley Speaking!


    A one way street walks into a bar and says to the barman:
    "I'm right hard, really tough - I'll have a pint of beer"

    He's just started his drink when in walks a dual carriageway.

    The dual carriageway says to the barman:
    "I'm right hard - I'll have two pints of beer"

    The dual carriageway downs the first pint and is just starting his second pint when in walks a motorway.

    The motor way then says to the barman:
    "I'm right hard - I'll have three pints of beer"

    The motorway downs two beers and is just starting his third when in walks a thin straggly piece of red tarmac path and orders half a shandy with plenty of lemonade.

    The bar goes very quiet and the roads all hide under a table.

    The thin straggly piece of tarmac slowly finishes his drink and leaves.

    The barman says - "What's wrong with you lot - I thought you said you're right hard!"

    "We may be hard" the roads reply " but that guy's a cycle-path"

     

    Article 1 - CLICK HERE
    Why you laugh your head off

     

     

    All Bark, No Bite!


    A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink.

     

    Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. 

     

    When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen. 

     

    He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.

     

    "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

     

    No one answered. 

     

    "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"

     

    Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

     

    The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?"

     

    The cowboy turned back and said, 

    "I had to walk home!"

     

     

     

     

    Article 2 - CLICK HERE 

    A giggle goes a long way >>

     

     

    Keep on Truck'n!


    A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three bikers walked in.

    The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter.

    The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter.

    The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

    Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. 

    Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"

    The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either.

    He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

     

     

    Article 3 - CLICK HERE 

    Laughter really is the best medicine, say doctors >>

     

     

    Career Change


    Bob, a salesman had not been achieving his sales targets for some time, so he decided to change careers and become a police officer. 

     

    Several months later, his friend Jim asked him how he liked his new career.

    "Well," Bob replied, "the pay isn't great and the hours are long, 
    but one thing I really like, is that 

     

    the customer is always wrong."

     

    Criminal Justice

    There were three men at a bar.  One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. 

     

    The police came and took the drunk guy to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. 

     

    The judge asked the man, 'Where do you work?'

     

    The man said, 'Here and there.'

     

    The judge asked the man, 'What do you do for a living?'

     

    The man said, 'This and that.'

     

    The judge then said, 'Take him away.'

     

    The man said, 'Wait, judge, when will I get out?'

     

    The judge said to the man, 

     

    'Sooner or later.'

     

     

    Article 4 - CLICK HERE 

    The Heart of Laughter >>

     

     

    Wisdom from the Sands of Time

    This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. 

    He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.

    While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.

    Predictably, he's hit but, only a glancing blow and is thrown, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

    After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. 

    He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. 

    His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the man from the desert, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"

    The desert man replies, 

    "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small!"

     

    Read My Lips!

    A man gets on a plane and takes his seat, only to realise that the occupant of the seat next to him is a parrot. 

    The plane takes off and after some minutes a stewardess approaches. 

    "Can I get you anything, sir?" she asks the man". 

    "Yes, I'll have a coffee, please, when you have a minute. Thank you".

    "And for you, sir?" she asks the parrot. 

    "A double whisky and coke, bitch, and make it quick, I'm thirsty!" demands the parrot. 

    The stewardess returns a few minutes later with the parrot's drink, which he snatches without a word. 

    "Excuse me," says the man, "but I ordered a coffee". 

    "Did you, sir?   I'm sorry, I'll get you one straight away". 

    By which time the parrot  has  finished his drink. 

    "Anything else for you, sir?" the stewardess asks the parrot. 

    "Yeah, I want another double whisky and coke, tart. Quick, bitch, I can't wait all night!" 

    Again the stewardess returns with the parrot's drink and without the coffee. 

    Naturally the man thinks the only way he is going to get any service is to adopt the attitude of his fellow passenger.

     "Listen here you stupid slapper," he says to the stewardess, "I want my bloody coffee and I want it now, you cow!" 

    Two minutes later the stewardess returns but this time with two enormous security guards, who proceed to manhandle> the man and the parrot to the back of the plane, open the door and eject  them from the plane. 

    As they hurtle uncontrollably towards earth from 6> miles up the parrot turns to the man and says, 

    "You're a bit of a lippy bastard for someone who can't fly, aren't you!"

     

    Do you have any good martial jokes ?
    Email them to us and we might just publish it here!

    Click here for the Darwin Awards   >>

     


     

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    This site was last updated 01/28/17

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